The question presented on the cue card is as follows: “Schools are spending more time teaching traditional subjects such as history. Some people think they should rather spend more time teaching skills that can help students find a job. To what extent do you agree or disagree?”

Essay Evaluation:

Objective: Band 6.0

The student has provided arguments supporting both the teaching of traditional subjects and the teaching of job-related skills.

The word count exceeds the recommended range of 250-270 words, with a total of 302 words.

The essay follows the structure of an introduction, two paragraphs supporting different viewpoints, and a conclusion.

Coherence: Band 4.0

There are some long and incoherent sentences.

Incorrect: “The people who are in favor of the schools, dealing with traditional subjects such as history, believe that the children are oblivious of their career path at tender ages; therefore, imparting any specific skill or job-oriented knowledge may go in vain.”

Correct: “The people who are in favor of schools dealing with traditional subjects such as history believe that children are unaware of their career path at a young age. Therefore, imparting specific skills or job-oriented knowledge may be ineffective.”

Incorrect: “Some assume that education should be more skill-oriented even at the school level.”

Correct: “Some believe that education should prioritize skill development even at the school level.”

Incorrect: “Civics let us understand adjustment to society, etc. These contentions gel well with the approach of teaching more general subjects at the school level.”

Correct: “Civics helps us understand how to adapt to society, etc. These contentions align with the approach of teaching more general subjects at the school level.”

Incorrect: “They argue in favor of developing common sense or life skills more than general subjects, for instance, what should be done to prevent fire? What to do in the moment of an earthquake? How to give a better presentation? How to be happy? etc.”

Correct: “They argue in favor of developing common sense or life skills rather than focusing solely on general subjects. For instance, teaching skills such as fire prevention, earthquake preparedness, effective presentation techniques, and emotional well-being. If more of these skills are taught, today’s children will become more self-reliant citizens of tomorrow.”

Grammar: Band 4.0

There are some issues with article usage, punctuation, and prepositions.

Incorrect: “Schools impart teaching in more of the general subjects whereas the colleges offer education in specialized subjects.”

Correct: “Schools teach a wide range of general subjects, while colleges offer specialized education.”

Incorrect: “The people who are in favor of the schools, dealing with traditional subjects such as history believe that the children are oblivious of their career path at tender ages; therefore, imparting any specific skill or job-oriented knowledge may go in vain.”

Correct: “The people who are in favor of schools dealing with traditional subjects such as history believe that children are unaware of their career path at a young age. Therefore, imparting any specific skill or job-oriented knowledge may go in vain.”

Incorrect: “Secondly, the general subjects help a child to become informed citizen to tomorrow, help them adjust and contribute better towards the society.”

Correct: “Secondly, the general subjects help a child become an informed citizen of tomorrow, helping them adjust and contribute better to society.”

Incorrect: “Civics let us understand adjustment to society, etc. These contentions gel well with the approach of teaching more general subjects at the school level.”

Correct: “Civics helps us understand how to adapt within society, etc. Hence, these contentions align with the approach of teaching more general subjects at the school level.”

Vocabulary: 6.0

The essay demonstrates a decent range of vocabulary, but improvement is possible.

Overall Band: 5

Revised model answer:

Schools are dedicating more time to teaching traditional subjects such as history, leading to differing opinions on whether they should instead focus on teaching job-related skills. This essay will examine both perspectives.

Throughout history, school curricula have encompassed a wide range of subjects, including history, science, mathematics, and geography. These subjects provide students with essential knowledge and understanding of various aspects of the world. For example, studying history enables individuals to learn from past mistakes and contribute to the development of civilization. Geography helps students understand the world map, as well as the flora and fauna it encompasses. Knowledge of these subjects allows students to make informed decisions about their future academic and professional paths.

However, some argue that education should prioritize the acquisition of skills directly relevant to employment. They believe that by teaching specific skills, students will have better chances of finding employment in fields such as research and development, laboratories, and the IT sector.

Instead of favoring one viewpoint over the other, a balanced approach could be more beneficial. Schools can maintain a traditional curriculum while incorporating skill-based training. By doing so, students receive a well-rounded education that prepares them for both employment and personal growth. This approach ensures that individuals are equipped with the necessary skills for the job market while nurturing their overall development.

In conclusion, the advantages of teaching both traditional subjects and job-related skills in schools outweigh any potential drawbacks. Striking a balance between the two ensures that students are well-prepared for their future endeavors while fostering their holistic growth.