Let’s analyze the IELTS Writing Task 1 response of a student who submitted their answer in an IELTS mock test.

Question:

Write a letter to your friend asking them to take care of your home while you’re away. In your letter, include:

– The duration of your absence

– Contact details to reach you

– Instructions for taking care of the home

Candidate’s Response:

Dear Sophie,

I hope you are doing well. I am taking this opportunity to thank you for your kind help when I was in real need of it. I appreciate your willingness to take care of my dog and home for a week while I am out of town.

If you encounter any problems or need assistance, feel free to contact me using the following numbers: 2560234 for the landline telephone and 94496478 for my mobile.

In addition to that, you can find the dog’s food in the last drawer of the kitchen cabinet. I usually feed her at 9 am, noon, and in the evening, you can give her the “Pedigree” brand food, which is stored in the storeroom. Please take her out once in the evening at a time that suits you.

I have some indoor plants that require regular watering. I have already informed the newspaper delivery person that you will be collecting the newspaper during this time. Also, please answer any phone calls on the landline. I have left a small amount of money in an envelope near the telephone, which may come in handy during the week.

Looking forward to seeing you soon!

Yours truly,

Rima Kapoor

Complete IELTS Writing Task 1 Analysis:

Paragraph 1 Analysis:

Strengths:

– Greeting statement is included.

– The purpose of the letter is clearly stated.

– The answer for the bullet point is provided.

– An attempt is made to use a complex sentence.

Corrected Erroneous Statements:

– “to thanking you” should be “to thank you.”

– “kind action” can be “kind help.”

– “the home” can be “my home.”

– “when I am out of town” can be “when I would be out of town.”

Revised Paragraph 1:

“I hope you are doing well. I am taking this opportunity to thank you for your kind help when I am in real need of it. I appreciate your willingness to take care of my dog and my home for a week when I would be out of town.”

Paragraph 2 Analysis:

Strengths:

– Contact details are mentioned as per the second bullet point.

Corrected Erroneous Statements:

– “in the following numbers” should be “at the following numbers.”

– “94496478 mobile” can be “94496478 (mobile number).”

Revised Paragraph 2:

“In case of any problem or if you need anything, feel free to contact me at the following numbers anytime: 2560234 (landline) and 94496478 (mobile).”

Paragraph 3 Analysis:

Strengths:

– A connector is used.

– Details of the third bullet point in the question are provided.

Corrected Erroneous Statement:

– The sentence structure can be improved for clarity.

Revised Paragraph 3:

“In addition, you can feed my dog with the food stored in the last drawer of the kitchen cabinet. I usually feed her three times a day: 9 am, noon, and night. You can also give her the ‘Pedigree’ brand food, which can be found in the storeroom. It would be greatly appreciated if you could take her out for a walk in the evening at a time that suits you.”

Paragraph 4 Analysis:

Strengths:

– A sentence connector is used.

– Additional details are given.

Corrected Erroneous Statement:

– The sentence structure can be improved for clarity.

Revised Paragraph 4:

“It would be great if you could water the indoor plants regularly. I have already informed the newspaper delivery person about your arrangement to collect the newspaper on my behalf. Additionally, please answer phone calls on the landline only. I have left a small amount of money in an envelope near the telephone for any emergencies that may arise during the week.”

Expected Band Score: Band 7

Overall, the candidate’s response is mostly free from grammar errors, and they use connectors and correct tenses. However, there are occasional issues with sentence structure, pronunciation, or grammar that can be further improved to effectively write the letter.