Let’s analyze the IELTS Writing Task 2 response of a candidate and identify the areas where improvements are needed:
**Question**
Being a celebrity can bring benefits and problems at the same time. To what extent do you agree with this statement?
**Candidate’s Response**
A famous person or celebrity becomes popular through media as well as due to people. Celebrities bring benefits along with problems.
To begin with, there are many benefits of being a celebrity. Firstly, a celebrity gains their own image and dignity. Everyone knows famous people. Secondly, they receive respect and admiration from the public. For example, Amir Khan is a famous personality, and most people admire his acting, work, and physique. Thirdly, celebrities have more wealth, access to comforts, and property. Moreover, they have the freedom to fulfill their desires.
On the other hand, being a celebrity also comes with several problems. First of all, famous people cannot go anywhere alone and cannot enjoy privacy with their family. Moreover, they often lack sufficient time for their family and pursuing hobbies. Furthermore, celebrities must have security wherever they go due to the crowd.
Additionally, due to their popularity, the media constantly spreads news about famous individuals. Unfortunately, the media also tends to create issues related to their personal and family problems.
In conclusion, being a famous film star or sportsman offers many benefits, but we cannot deny the existence of negative effects as well.
Now, let us do a thorough analysis of this IELTS Writing Task 2 response as follows:
**Introduction:**
The candidate has attempted paraphrasing the question statement, but it contains errors and is confusing. A clearer and more concise paraphrasing is needed.
**Body Paragraph 1:**
Strength: Sentence connectors (firstly, secondly, thirdly, etc.) are used, and a good variety of vocabulary is employed.
Improvement: The candidate should provide more elaboration and examples to support the given ideas.
**Body Paragraph 2:**
Strength: Sentence connectors are used, and different problems are listed in response to the question.
Improvement: The candidate should avoid using excessive connectors and focus on fully explaining and supporting each idea.
**Body Paragraph 3:**
Strength: Sentence connectors are used, and more ideas are presented.
Improvement: The candidate should further extend the third paragraph and ensure subject-verb agreement and proper punctuation.
**Conclusion:**
Strength: The conclusion is clear, and connectors are used effectively.
Improvement: The candidate should be more mindful of punctuation and word usage to avoid errors.
**Word Length:**
The candidate has written 193 words, which is below the required 250-word count and will result in a lower band score.
**Expected Band Score: Band 6**
In summary, the candidate has attempted to answer the question and provided some relevant reasons and benefits. However, the response lacks sufficient elaboration and supporting examples. Additionally, there are numerous errors related to grammar, tense, and punctuation. The candidate should aim to improve the coherence and clarity of the essay, avoid excessive use of connectors, and meet the required word length to achieve a higher band score.
Responses