Let’s conduct a full analysis of an IELTS Writing Task 2 response from a candidate preparing for the IELTS exam.

Question:

Shopping has become a hobby nowadays, rather than a necessity. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Candidate’s Response: Nowadays, shopping is considered a leisure activity, and people no longer appreciate the value of money. However, in the past, people only shopped when necessary.

In the present era, people view shopping as a leisure activity, and they fail to distinguish between essential needs and unnecessary desires. While it is true that we will always need to shop for basic necessities like food and clothing, modern lifestyles have expanded our shopping habits beyond just fulfilling our basic needs.

Moreover, the market also plays a role in encouraging excessive shopping driven by greed rather than genuine necessity. Supermarkets, for example, frequently use attractive offers such as “buy one get one free” to entice consumers to shop more. Additionally, traditional malls and leisure complexes are equipped with various facilities to attract and engage shoppers.

Furthermore, changes in lifestyle have also influenced people’s shopping behavior. Conversely, in the past, people had a better understanding of the value of money. They only shopped when necessary, and supermarkets did not offer as many tempting attractions and special offers.

In conclusion, shopping should be done based on genuine needs, and people must be mindful of the value of money. In today’s highly competitive world, it is essential to earn money wisely and spend it judiciously.

(263 words)

Analysis:

Introduction:

Strength: Paraphrasing is attempted with the use of vocabulary (“leisure activity”).

Correction: “Nowadays, shopping is considered a leisure activity, and people no longer appreciate the value of money. However, in the past, people only shopped when necessary.”

Body Para 1:

Strength: Sentence connectors (in this modern era, however, etc.) are used, and ideas are given.

Correction: “In the present era, people view shopping as a leisure activity, and they fail to distinguish between essential needs and unnecessary desires. While it is true that we will always need to shop for basic necessities like food and clothing, modern lifestyles have expanded our shopping habits beyond just fulfilling our basic needs.”

Body Para 2:

Strength: Sentence connectors (moreover, in addition, etc.) are used, and ideas along with specific examples are written.

Correction: “Moreover, the market also plays a role in encouraging excessive shopping driven by greed rather than genuine necessity. Supermarkets, for example, frequently use attractive offers such as ‘buy one get one free’ to entice consumers to shop more. Additionally, traditional malls and leisure complexes are equipped with various facilities to attract and engage shoppers.”

Body Para 3:

Strength: Sentence connector (furthermore) is used, and ideas are written to illustrate opinions with an attempt to use an idiomatic expression (“on the other side of the coin”).

Correction: “Furthermore, changes in lifestyle have also influenced people’s shopping behavior. Conversely, in the past, people had a better understanding of the value of money. They only shopped when necessary, and supermarkets did not offer as many tempting attractions and special offers.”

Conclusion:

Strength: Sentence connector (“in conclusion”) is used, and a conclusive suggestion is provided at the end.

Correction: “In conclusion, shopping should be done based on genuine needs, and people must be mindful of the value of money. In today’s highly competitive world, it is essential to earn money wisely and spend it judiciously.”

Expected Band Score: Band 6

The candidate attempts to answer the question with relevant ideas, but they lack coherence and proper support with examples. Additionally, the word length should be increased to meet the minimum requirement of 250 words. The response contains mostly simple sentences, and there are some errors in attempting to write complex sentences. Overall, the response demonstrates a satisfactory level of understanding and expression, but there is room for improvement to achieve a higher band score.