Let’s analyze the candidate’s IELTS writing task and provide a revised version:

Question:

You have joined a new job and want to inform your friend about it by writing a letter. In your letter, include the following:

1. Tell him/her the news of joining the new job.

2. Describe your new job.

3. Share any other news.

Candidate’s Response:

Dear Naman,

It has been a long time since I heard from you. I hope everything is fine at your end.

You will be thrilled to hear the good news I am about to share with you. I have relocated to Bangalore as I have secured a new job with a reputable multinational company headquartered in Europe. Previously, I had been changing jobs frequently due to dissatisfaction with roles unrelated to my specialization and inadequate pay.

In my new role, I am appointed as the technical lead, responsible for managing a team of 10 people. This presents an exciting opportunity for me to not only utilize my expertise in solving technical issues but also to engage with customers and understand their requirements.

Apart from my professional career, I would also like to inform you that my engagement has been fixed for the 5th of next month. I will send you a separate invitation for this special occasion, but consider this as a heads-up to prepare your clothes for the grand event.

Looking forward to hearing from you soon.

Lots of love,

Bhavesh Kumar

Para 1:

Strength:

– The greeting statement is well-written.

Para 2:

Strength:

– The candidate attempts to use an idiomatic expression (“over the moon”) and covers the first bullet point.

– Appropriate vocabulary is used, such as “reputed” and “specialization.”

Para 3:

Strength:

– The candidate uses a sentence connector (“however”) and addresses the second bullet point effectively.

Para 4:

Strength:

– The candidate covers the third bullet point and uses sentence connectors (“besides the professional career” and “obviously”).

Band Score: 7

Overall, the candidate’s response adequately addresses the given points. The revised version maintains the content while rectifying grammar, tense, capitalization, articles, punctuation, and complex sentence structure errors. The response demonstrates improved language proficiency and coherence, resulting in an expected band score of 7.